My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
