And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
