Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I will pee on everything he values.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
