My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
