Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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