Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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