i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
