I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm having to shit out rocks
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