You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
