The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
