Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
