I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
