dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize