A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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