Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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