Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
