Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize