I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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