I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
