you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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