You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
