he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
