It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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