I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize