Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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