I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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