I want to walk on stilts...naked
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
