He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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