whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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