I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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