I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
