I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize