guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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