i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
