He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
