sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
