after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
