just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
