he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
