we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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