We're like a lot better than the average bears
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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