wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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