Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
