Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
