So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
