Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
