So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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