Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come share oat with me in your robe
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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