I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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