my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
