Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We need to get me chipped asap
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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