I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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