That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
