We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
