BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
