I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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