note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
