Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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