I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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