I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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