its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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