Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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