tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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