YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
