remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
