Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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