If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the day after is always just damage control
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
