Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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