Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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