I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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