Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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