My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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