I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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