hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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